Living Abroad vs Visiting: What Tourists Never See in Abu Dhabi

[0:00] Welcome back to Put the Guidebook Down, the podcast from Kultura Travel, where we explore what it really means to experience a place beyond itineraries, highlights, and Instagram moments. Today, I am joined by Remiah, a solo traveler and educator living in Abu Dhabi, whose work focuses on authentic travel, cultural awareness, [0:19] and what it means to move through the world as a solo traveler in a different location. Remiah, thank you for joining me today. How are you?

[0:28] I'm good. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to chat.

[0:32] I'm excited that you're here. I've been following your content and I've never been to Abu Dhabi, so I am super jealous. I got all the FOMO. And as a former ETA, English teaching assistant, I was able to relate a little bit to what you're going through in terms of getting to a location, [0:49] having to figure it out and really build a day to day. So I'm really excited for you to join and kind of share some light on that. So let's start with the difference between arriving somewhere and belonging there. What were the biggest things you didn't understand about Abu Dhabi until you started living there?

[1:09] I think the biggest thing was sort of finding my place here. I would say now the population has grown in the time I've been, and the expat population is about 90% here.

90%.

Yeah, so the actual local Emirati population is quite small, but there's still a huge [1:30] Muslim community, and then expats from all over the world. So especially in the teaching realm, lots of UK teachers or South African teachers, Irish, Canadian, American, that kind of thing. So just finding my place in such a melting pot, and also getting to learn about the culture at the same time, was [1:50] kind of complex at the start, but as I've spent more time here it's been nice to kind of find those cultural moments and integrate myself into this place.

[1:59] How long have you been there now, just for some context for our listeners?

[2:03] Yeah, I've been here for six years, so I actually moved in the middle of COVID, so I kind of got to see what life was like here on lockdown, and then as the world kind of reopened, I've kind of grown with the country in that sense.

[2:18] Wow, I kind of like that, growing with the country. That got me to pause for a second. Okay. Now, because you said six years, do you feel like you're somewhat of a local now? I have to ask, because in New York City, whoever you ask sometimes has different answers on how long you have to live in New [2:37] York City before you become a local. So I'm just curious what it is over there.

[2:41] I feel like I have days where I'm still a fish out of water and other days where I feel like a local. So I'm going to say yes. I feel like I've been here long enough that I'm really comfortable navigating through the country, and I've kind of gone through all of the life admin to establish myself here. [2:59] And now, like I've been a permanent resident for long enough that I feel like, yes, I am kind of a local here in UAE.

[3:07] I love that. So then going into this local life now, how does your daily routine differ from what the tourists are experiencing?

[3:18] I think it differs in the fact that I have more routine. I find that's really hard to establish at the start, especially with teaching. It can be very overwhelming coming into this country and starting with teaching, because it's very intense teaching models and lots of inspections and interviews and that kind of standard within the work building. [3:42] So just establishing my balance outside of work and, like, knowing where my gym spot is and which cafe I like and that kind of thing is essential.

[3:53] Yes. I really like that, because I feel, at least from my perspective and my own experience, that one of the core differentiators is, as you mentioned, just how you build your routine, context, daily life, day to day. You start to see yourself having your local hangout spots that you always inhabit. [4:12] I know when I was living in Indonesia, there were a couple of cafes that I was just haunting all the time, to the point where they knew my name and my order and they would have it ready by the time I came in. I was like, guys, we have an issue if you know me like that.

[4:25] I feel like that's always my goal. I'm like, I want to be on a first name basis where they know what my special order is.

[4:32] You want that.

[4:34] That's when I feel like I'm home.

[4:36] Maybe that means you have to spend more time in that location than at one cafe and then just, like, really bond with one person. Exactly.

[4:45] You need your in. Yeah.

[4:50] Yes, I feel like that's definitely one of the core differentiators, because, you know, tourists come and go. But once you're starting to get into your spots and routines, people start to know you and then build relationships with you, which is what I felt when I was starting to immerse and fully become in the day to [5:07] day. I felt that was one of my indicators. The second was when you start to go into the local language and then you're just starting to see yourself revert to that versus your native language sometimes. I don't know if you've experienced that yet.

[5:19] A little bit. I feel like there's lots of Arabic catchphrases and, like, little snippets that I'll use with my students or with colleagues. So we have moments where we switch back and forth, but I'm nowhere near fluent or anything like that. I've been trying to pick up more Arabic, but it's a journey.

[5:38] I feel like when people say that they're actually more fluent than they are. So I'm not going to quiz you, but that's just what I think as a linguist. I'm like, yeah, right. You're just being modest. Okay.

[5:49] You have to remain humble.

[5:50] Yes, of course. Now going into more of the routines, what routine or cultural norms surprised you the most in Abu Dhabi?

[6:01] I think the biggest culture shock, but also interesting routine to be a part of, is Ramadan. So that's the holy month for fasting, and it's something in a school building we have to recognize, acknowledge, respect for our students who are participating in it. So for the month of Ramadan, [6:24] we have reduced work hours to kind of accommodate people who are fasting and who are obviously tired as a result. And then there's lots of iftar events in the city that you can attend. So at sunset, when you break fast, you can go and have, like, a buffet dinner. [6:42] And it's a nice chance to kind of be with the community and be a part of this celebration. So I feel like adjusting to that was a huge change when I first experienced it, and now it's something I look forward to every year.

[6:56] I had the opportunity to join an iftar in Morocco while visiting my colleagues. And wow, the food, the company. I think that is one of my standout moments from Morocco, was just meeting all these random strangers. Like we had like 30 people at least in one apartment and I had no clue who any of [7:15] these people were, but I was like, we're all enjoying the food and chatting and this is it. This is great.

[7:20] And it's such a nice community feel, like it really brings everybody together, which is so nice.

[7:25] Yeah. I also like the fact that even if you're not a practicing Muslim, they still want you to have that shared experience with them and help them share that with you to have some more cultural understanding and context to what's really going on during that Ramadan time period. It's really cool. Part of the cultural travel moment there.

[7:44] Yeah, definitely. It's nice to learn more about it with each year that I get to experience it and get to meet more community members. It's really, really special.

[7:53] Yeah. Well, moving into our next topic around safety, identity, and visibility abroad, living somewhere also means navigating identity in ways travel rarely prepares you for. So are there things tourists never have to think about that you have had to think about, or other residents?

[8:15] I definitely look at it through the lens of a Black woman, as a woman traveling here. Initially, the UAE hadn't been on my radar as a place to move to. I didn't think it would be a place that I could kind of ease into or feel safe in. And that's definitely changed. [8:33] As I've lived here, there's definitely a growing Black community in the UAE and it's very safe, very comfortable, but definitely something I'm conscious of, like dressing modestly and making sure to respect religious spaces. And if I'm in a space where there's lots of Muslim people or the local Emirati people, [8:53] I'm always conscious of how I'm moving in that space.

[8:56] Yeah. And you mentioned this is now a little bit, there's a community growing there, right? Now, talking a little bit beyond just Abu Dhabi, how has this experience shaped how you move through different countries, rather like in the Middle East or just anywhere in general?

[9:15] I think similar to here, I'm definitely most conscious of how I dress. So making sure that I'm adhering to respectful, modest expectations in the Middle East as I travel. So I often have a headscarf with me and an abaya to cover myself if I'm going into a mosque or something like that. [9:36] And then I guess just being respectful of how I'm communicating or speaking about the country is something to be aware of. So as I'm navigating through the UAE and other surrounding Gulf countries, just making sure that I am praising them or speaking respectfully, not saying anything out of line is usually what I'm most aware of.

[9:57] Right. Just showing the respect for where you are actually living now as well, which I feel like it's just, you know, if you're choosing to live in a country, you probably should want to talk highly of it. Otherwise, why are you still living there? That's why, I guess, like sometimes in those exchange programs, in terms of, like, [10:18] grants where you're living somewhere for, like, a short span of months, I can understand where some people are maybe not as happy and 100% praising the country that they're in. They're like, okay, I'm ready to go home. It's like, okay, I get it. [10:29] But what are some positives from the experience you can tell me about? Yeah.

[10:32] Yeah, exactly. And I feel like the longer you live in a country, the more you immerse yourself in it is just another way of showing that respect. There's lots of people that come to teach for a year or two and might not jive with it as much. But having been here for so long, [10:47] I'm actively trying to be a good community member within the country. So, yeah.

[10:53] I love that, what you just said, in that learning and immersing into the community is a form of respect given to the culture. I had some colleagues that were not in love with living in Moldova, and I was so shocked, because Moldova, for people who don't know, it's not an English-speaking country. [11:14] There's still little to no English there, so most people speak in Russian, Romanian, or Gagauz. And my colleagues, unfortunately, or I don't even know how they did this, just decided that they're not going to learn any Romanian or Russian and just speak only English. I thought that was crazy. [11:31] I don't even know how they pulled that off, because you really have to go out of your way to not learn any aspects of the language since no one speaks English. And then how do you even communicate, since no one speaks English? And I just felt like that was so disrespectful to the community and the people. [11:46] And I think it was very demonstrated in the lack of relationship building that they experienced, because they weren't getting invited to people's homes, they weren't going to community events, all this stuff, whereas I was, as someone who learned the languages. So I think that's just like a huge tell of really how far the language learning or [12:03] immersing into the community, becoming a community member, as you mentioned, really does make a huge difference in your experience.

[12:10] Yeah. And that's such a missed opportunity. You're shutting yourself off to so many different experiences in a new country. Right. So I definitely want, and I'm willing, to open myself up to any opportunity I can to explore and learn more.

[12:26] Now, going into our last question in terms of this segment, how do safety, representation, and belonging change when you're staying somewhere long term? A little bit of a deeper question.

[12:38] That is a deeper question. I will say I think I'm in a very fortunate place that is just inherently very safe. I do think in terms of belonging, it does take a little bit of work, again, putting yourself out there to find that community, [12:54] to find where you fit in can be a bit of a challenge at the start. But if you're willing and open to doing it, it's totally achievable here. And I think maybe more in terms of safety, I'm also thinking just in terms of health and wellness. That's something that's readily accessible here. [13:13] And it's often supported by insurance through your employer. So you're able to have access to that health care and safety that you need. So I'm in a very privileged place here in UAE to have access to that safety without having to think much about it.

[13:29] Mm-hmm. And that's, I mean, just having the access and knowing where you can go if you ever have something wrong health-wise, I'm sure that helps with calming some anxiety around it, because living in a different country or just visiting a different country, when you get ill and you're navigating a language barrier, [13:45] don't even know where to go, that can be so overwhelming and just make someone very anxious. I speak from experience.

[13:52] Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

[13:56] Once you live somewhere long enough, you also start to see the cracks in tourism narratives. So Remiah, how do you define authentic travel now versus earlier in your travel journey?

[14:08] For me, I think authentic travel is, again, immersing myself in the culture. So I would say the food, the faith, the traditions that you'll find in a place, I really seek out opportunities to take a cooking class or visit religious sites and learn more about the faith and [14:27] practices that might happen, or as I'm planning my trips I kind of look at the calendar and see, am I going to stumble upon any significant events or things like that, and then the history as well, so I love doing history tours or walking tours to [14:41] like really dive into the meat of a country, not just the surface-level tourist things, which I love a good tourist trap, I'm not above that, but I think just taking that extra step to learn more about a place or learn a little bit of the language to better communicate with locals. [14:59] I think that's how it becomes more authentic rather than a surface-level experience.

[15:06] I totally agree. Couldn't have said it better, especially looking at the calendar for local events coming up. That's something I need to improve on, because sometimes I just stumble on them rather than actually looking ahead. So I got to learn that from you. [15:20] But that's also fun. Sometimes the surprise of just kind of showing up in a place and being smack dab in the middle of an event is also a fun experience. So a little of both is fine.

[15:31] That's true. Having to figure it out along the way, that does have some fun to it.

Now, going into a little bit more of tourists and maybe the influence of social media, what misconceptions do you think tourists often bring with them, and how has social media really played a role in all of this? [15:50] You can speak towards yourself, your experience, or even just on the broader tourism scale.

[15:56] I feel like hidden gems is a big thing that I see on social media a lot. It's such a buzzword. And I feel like it's often hit or miss. And I feel like for me, I like to go to more local neighborhoods or smaller cities that are kind of far away from the main [16:17] tourist attractions to get more of that authentic experience. So I'm not always seeking out the hidden gem spots or things like that. And I don't know, sometimes I feel like people are divided on whether they like the term "tourist" or not, or whether they like touristy places or not. I feel [16:37] like if I'm visiting a country that is not my own, I am automatically a tourist and there's nothing wrong with that, as long as I'm being respectful and trying to support the community that I'm visiting. I feel like that is okay. But I don't know, I [16:51] feel like those are kind of the big buzzwords I often see on social media when I'm looking at travel stuff.

[16:57] Yeah, I think at least from my standpoint, there is a differentiation between a tourist versus a traveler. I think what you're describing falls a little bit more into the traveler side, whereas people who only go for the hidden gems, I like to put them a little bit more towards tourists. [17:13] But as you said, we all love a good tourist trap once in a while. We can't avoid it. You get that social media FOMO. But now I have to ask you, did you ever go to a hidden gem or a recommended tourist spot that kind of fell flat?

[17:30] I feel like I have in the past, probably like certain hot springs or waterfalls or like more nature sites that are supposedly like, you do this beautiful two-hour hike and it's the most gorgeous view you'll ever see. And then I go and the waterfall has dried up. [17:49] You can't go in the hot springs, or something like that, where it just kind of falls flat. So now I kind of steer clear of the hidden gems.

[18:01] So unfortunate. The waterfall dried up is so funny.

[18:07] I feel like maybe I just have had bad luck with those sorts of things. I feel like it never pans out when I try.

[18:15] We've all had those moments. We just sometimes don't want to own up. I've had my fair share of going out of the way to go look at a travel influencer recommended spot somewhere. And we get there, we're like, that's it? We went on this, like, random car ride for five hours for a 10-minute lookout and then [18:33] have to go five hours back. And you're like, what? I really planned a whole day around this.

[18:39] Brutal, brutal. We've all had that moment though. Yep.

[18:42] Yep. But I like this whole point around focusing on the community events and going deeper into the learning or planning activities to help you engage more into the culture, because I feel that social media is getting a little bit better and starting to spread more information about these types of experiences. [19:01] And then especially with content creators like yourself, or even someone else I had on our show, Sivan, they really take the time to build authentic and genuine content rather than just pushing quantity over quality, which the social media algorithm really rewards for that consumption of the content rather than understanding. So I think that's, [19:22] we're seeing a little bit better of a push towards that on the Instagram side and TikTok side, at least. But guys, careful with the hidden gem spots. Now, moving into more about travel and getting into the focus of the discussion on how do we travel better, even if we're only visiting, because we're tourists, [19:41] we're travelers at different points of our travel journey. So going more into your experience, Remiah, about living in now Abu Dhabi for six years, but at one point you were also a tourist there before you fully immersed into it. What habits from living abroad do you think travelers should adopt to really help [20:02] them experience a place on a different level, whether or not they're staying there short term or also long term?

[20:07] I think in terms of what I travel, like I had mentioned, I love to do walking tours. I find that that gives me really quick access to kind of orienting myself and getting to see a lot of the major sites while also learning about the country. [20:24] And then you have a guide right there who can give you more of the, like, here are the restaurants off the beaten path that you might want to check out, or here's a suggestion for a more local event that you'll enjoy, those kinds of things. [20:37] So I feel like that gives you a great basis right away to learn about the place and explore it more naturally. And then I think just trying to leave the country better than when you arrived, so as best as you can, being sustainable in the time that you're there and keeping it clean, being [20:54] respectful in the space. I feel like that's something that we can all make a better effort to do, even here in the UAE. One of the things I sought out when I first moved was a recycling program, because it's not widely done in the UAE, but there are recycling plants and you are able to access them. [21:14] It just required a little bit of digging, but coming from Canada where that's just like second nature to recycle and compost, that was like top of mind. I want to make sure I'm helping the environment while I'm also in this space and being conscious of that.

[21:29] Wow. Yeah. I didn't even, this is going to sound so bad, I didn't even think about the recycling component.

[21:34] I know. It's such a little thing, but it's still something, right? Just as an example of one way we can help the environment, help the space we're in, right?

[21:47] Yeah. Yeah. And I think maybe that's something that I can improve on as a long-term traveler in my next destination, because some of these locations, as you mentioned, maybe don't prioritize recycling, and maybe they do have programs, but you have to do the extra step to actually get the knowledge on how to participate in those programs. [22:07] But so many people just see it as another thing of work to do rather than the general overall impact it's going to leave if you just take that time to do the research.

[22:18] Yeah, it's challenging at times, like even with tours, just handing out plastic water bottles all the time or something like that. Just remembering to bring my own water bottle that I can reuse, and just those little things to try and be conscious of. That's something I'm making an effort to do.

[22:37] Yeah, yeah, we can always learn a little bit more about that. I'm speaking from myself as a traveler, so I've gotten a little bit better with the reusable water bottle, I will say, but in those countries where you can't drink the tap water, it is [22:51] a challenge, so I've actually started, for myself, buying the really large liters and then refilling my water bottle that way, but you have to carry it, which, you know, people are also like, oh, that's more work, you know.

[23:04] Get a little workout in. Yes, change the perspective.

[23:08] Yeah. My host family used to make fun of me for that. And I was like, guys, this is my gym. Like, give me both of them. I will carry it from the store for you guys. And they were like, okay, you're crazy. I was like, that's okay.

[23:22] Crazy buff.

[23:23] Crazy buff. Yes. Great. So then going more into short-term travel for visitors to Abu Dhabi, what would you want visitors who are just tourists visiting for maybe, let's say, like 10 days max, what would you want them to understand or learn before arriving to Abu Dhabi?

[23:46] I think I would want them to understand that although it's a Muslim country, and there is a level of expectation for modesty, you are welcome to dress how you like and act how you like. And there is alcohol here. So people who like to drink can still do that in certain spaces. [24:08] But I guess just you need to be aware that you are going to get from this country whatever you put into it. If you choose to wear short shorts and a crop top, you probably won't get to interact with many locals and they'll probably keep their distance from you and that sort of thing. [24:24] But if you choose to lean more on the modesty side of things, that can also shape your experience and give you more access to cultural experiences. So it's a wide spectrum of what you can and can't do here. [24:38] And it's just up to you as a traveler to be conscious of how do you want to approach a visit? How do you want to learn from this country or experience it as you explore?

[24:53] So many mic drops. It's going to be great to edit for social media. Because I really like that you get what you put into the experience in that way of just how you carry yourself and how you dress on a day to day, because it really is like respect [25:09] comes from how you dress and carry yourself as well while you're visiting abroad, especially in more conservative countries. So really, it is optional in a way, as you said, as a foreigner, but sometimes I feel that people take advantage of the aspect of being a foreigner and they're like, oh, well, I'm here, [25:24] this is not my country and culture, I'm going to dress how I do back home. And that's, they're disrespectful in some ways. And it really, as you said, it kind of shapes how their experience is in the long term. And I know some women go, well, then I get catcalled. [25:38] It's like, well, you're wearing booty shorts and a crop top. Like, sorry, but they're not used to seeing that.

[25:48] Yeah, just being mindful of yourself and mindful of the space you're in, right? That's all going to shape what you get out of it. So.

[25:57] Yeah, I totally agree. And this is exactly the mindset that we're all about at Kultura Travel. And that's what I'm passionate about talking about in terms of cultural travel and authentic experiences and giving respect to the places that you're visiting. Now, moving towards the end of our conversation, [26:17] how has living abroad reshaped how you define a good trip or a successful trip? Deep questions.

[26:27] Yeah, it's definitely made me slow down. I think it's very easy with my teaching schedule, like we have lots of week-long breaks or long weekends and it's easy to fly anywhere from here. So I'm used to a very quick trip and a quick turnaround. [26:48] But when I get the chance to really immerse in a place and be there longer, and I try to seek that out rather than just rushing from site to site, I feel like taking the time to try and live like a local and take each day a bit [27:05] more slowly to kind of notice the small details and just kind of walk down a street and whatever catches my eye, wander into those shops and experiences, has been really nice to explore, rather than just quickly traveling in each place. So the more cultural immersion I can find, the better.

[27:25] I love this. I just did an episode about how fast travel with the checklist really can make someone feel burned out or maybe not really experiencing a place, just seeing what the monuments are that have been there. And then you tend to forget within a couple of months that you even went to. [27:42] So I really like how you are now focused more on slow travel and that immersive side that can come with visiting a new country and those experiences that you get to have, because those are the ones that are more memorable, in my opinion. I am sad, [28:00] but we are reaching the end of our conversation, because I feel like you have really shared so many mic drop moments and insights. This was great. And I was learning a lot as you were sharing your story and answering our questions. But I want to turn the mic back to you one last time. [28:17] Do you have any final words of advice, tips, tricks, stories that you would like to share with our listeners before we close out?

[28:24] I think my advice is to seek out destinations that you wouldn't typically go for, in the same way that I never considered the UAE originally when I was planning to move abroad, and now fast forward six years, here I am. I think, don't close yourself off to places just because you don't know a lot about them. [28:45] It's an opportunity to learn something new. Expose yourself to cultures and people and foods and things you may have never imagined. And just really use that to your advantage. It's an opportunity to grow yourself and learn more about the world. So, I just, I don't know, I just want everyone to explore everywhere. [29:07] Just keep traveling and don't limit yourself to just the typical tourist spots. Go beyond that.

[29:16] So well said. So much positive energy. I hope our listeners felt that through the recording. I know I'm feeling ready to go to a destination that maybe wasn't next on my list. Maybe Abu Dhabi. Maybe Abu Dhabi. It's been on my list for so long and now I've learned more about what to expect going there. [29:36] So maybe it'll be up on the list a little bit higher now. We'll have to see. I want to thank you, Remiah, for coming on our podcast to share your experience and how living in Abu Dhabi and switching from a short-term stay into a long-term stay has really helped shape your [29:54] experiences and your focus when it comes to long-term travel, as well as just going to new spaces and how you move through them in the whole scope. Living abroad reminds us that places aren't products, they're homes, and whether we stay for a year or a week, how we show up really does matter. [30:15] So I want to invite our listeners to reflect on how you're moving through the places you visit, whether on a long-term stay or short-term stay. To follow Remiah's work, she is on several different platforms, Remiah Travels. And as I mentioned before, she really does put a lot of effort into curating her content to be informative and [30:36] authentic in its delivery. So think high quality when you're thinking about what to consider in terms of who you follow and how you take content in helping plan your trip. And remember to check out Kultura Travel and Put the Guidebook Down to learn more about how authentic cultural travel can really shape your travel experiences [30:56] through cultural immersion. Remember, you don't need to see everything. You need to learn how to pay attention. This is Put the Guidebook Down. Thank you, everyone.