Why We Romanticize Escape Through Travel

[0:00] Have you ever looked at someone moving abroad and thought, maybe I should just leave everything behind too? Start over somewhere new, become a different version of yourself, learn a new language, escape the routine, the burnout, the pressure, just escaping yourself. Travel has always carried this promise of transformation, that maybe somewhere else we'll finally feel happier, [0:32] more like ourselves, more alive, just something different. But lately I've been wondering about something uncomfortable. Are we actually traveling to explore the world, or are we trying to emotionally escape our lives? Because modern travel culture doesn't just sell destinations anymore, it sells reinvention. My name is Kiara and I am your host of Put the Guidebook Down.

[1:05] Today's episode is going to be exploring about the romanticizing and fantasy of starting over or escapism when it comes to travel. Starting with the fantasy of starting over, travel has become emotionally tied to reinvention. I'm sure everyone by now has seen those famous TikToks or Instagrams where someone [1:38] talks about how they quit their corporate nine to five job, moved abroad and started an entirely different life. It's really giving main character energy. And makes us wonder, why can't that be me? And as a student, we're always encouraged to study abroad, and in the movies, TV shows, [2:05] we see this fantasy of a student moving abroad or studying abroad and just finding this whole new version of themselves and maybe not even going back to their original life. And what this comes down to is really the romanticizing of travel escape. A lot of content today doesn't just market the places and destinations of travel, [2:32] it markets emotional escape. And this all comes down to the escapism psychology, where research shows people often use fantasy and environmental change to cope with stress and dissatisfaction. And really this whole idea that people use experiences, media, or fantasy to temporarily distance themselves from stress or what's going on back at home. [3:26] And a lot of this is pushed further by remote work or burnout that's accelerated. Or burnout which makes us accelerate those thoughts or goals of having a relocation to our dream destination. Especially after the pandemic, travel became emotionally linked with freedom and reinvention. And I'm sure everyone [3:53] And I'm sure many of you have read or seen the movie of Eat, Pray, Love, and many wanting to have their own Eat, Pray, Love moment, to the point where this has even become a phrase in the English language of having your own Eat, Pray, [4:06] Love moment. So then why are so many people fantasizing about moving abroad right now? In my previous episodes I talked about this a lot in terms of the role of social media and digital nomads and just really highlighting this dream lifestyle of moving abroad to work abroad and just live out this different lifestyle that maybe [4:31] they would have only once thought was possible in movies and media, to show that it is possible. But as we'll talk later, that this is not always necessarily the case. So one must ask themselves, is this really wanderlust as we've previously called it, or is it just burnout in a new form? [4:52] Are we escaping discovery or just looking for some emotional relief? Sometimes the dream of moving abroad isn't about the destination at all. It's about wanting permission to become someone else. And I believe this last point is so true because travel really brings out your full self, [5:19] these different sides of you that maybe you weren't originally familiar with or acquainted with even, and allows you to transform into this other human being. Whether or not it's genuine or maybe you're just trying to put on a different facade, that's a different conversation. But regardless, you see a new transformation in yourself when being abroad.

[5:50] So getting back to the role of social media in all of this, because travel content romanticizes this emotional transformation. Social media doesn't just show us places anymore, it shows us alternate lives that we could be living. I mean, we've mentioned this earlier, but the whole quit my job and move to Bali situation, [6:12] people living in slow travel moments, working on a daily basis from cafes in Lisbon, and just having this idealization in reinventing their narratives, which sounds so cool, but as we know from my episode about passport privilege or digital nomads, it's not fair to say that this is something possible for everyone, [6:39] because there's a bunch of other external factors that come into play here, right? And I will acknowledge that some people do genuinely transform abroad, but social media often removes this whole other side that we don't necessarily talk about when it comes to living abroad. The loneliness, instability, homesickness, visa stress and documents, [7:05] isolation, culture shock. It's all there, and we as digital nomads or people who have lived abroad in other places beyond their home countries for a long period of time need to talk about this more cream or content around this so people know that it is a potential side effect or result of taking this big changing moment or [7:33] that it's normal to feel these feelings when opting to study abroad or just try a new program in a different country. I mean, I will say that I've had numerous conversations with students who are looking to do their own Fulbright into Moldova. [7:48] And one of the big questions that I always want to make sure they're able to answer is like, how do you handle loneliness and being by yourself? Because you're not going to be surrounded by people all the time. And you're gonna be in a completely new environment with new people and you might [8:04] not even speak the local language. So then you're removing a lot of your support network, your daily schedule, having to encounter the language barrier. And on top of that, figure out how to navigate a whole new country and lifestyle, usually on your own, until you find your support network in that region. [8:26] Or those groups of people that get it and are able to help you through it. And culture shock is a huge one. There's culture shock when you arrive at a destination and then reverse culture shock when you return back, and this whole concept of being in the middle. [8:42] So you're not necessarily the same person you were before you left and you're not going to return as the same person. So how do you fit into the life that you were previously living as a new transformed individual? So there's a lot to cover around this topic that's not necessarily portrayed on social media.

[9:08] And people are always comparing their lives to this curation of content that we put out on social media, which ultimately fuels this dissatisfaction with our own routines, environments and lives, because we're just comparing the two, which is not fair. They're not at the same level for comparison. The influencer lifestyles create aspirational identity projection, [9:41] but you don't see about all of these other elements that I was just elaborating on in the background. People don't just want the destination, they want the emotional identity attached to it, and to have that story of, yes, [9:55] I was struggling in my 9 to 5 and I was able to then say enough of it and then move abroad and create the person and the lifestyle that I want to be. People like that emotional talent. People like to hear those stories. [10:11] They like to hear the emotions that went through and it gives them something to relate to. We talk about this a lot when it comes to entrepreneurship and people wanting to have a kind of struggle story that gets them into where their business is [10:25] profitable, because then people are able to relate to it and attach on to that emotional story so that they follow through the journey and it's like they're growing with the company. But again, it's not always 100% accurate or 100% true. And this ultimately leads to that romanticization of other people's lives online [10:59] and that desire to escape into this ideal lifestyle that we want from ourselves abroad.

And this is something that I was also experiencing. I've always wanted to study abroad. I've always had that intrigue about what it is to study abroad and to live in another culture or country and just adapting to a new lifestyle that wasn't like [11:45] the one I was sharing back home. There is a whole story around this in terms of how I was going to study abroad and then the pandemic happened and took away my opportunity there, so then my Fulbright to Moldova was one of, as I viewed, my last few opportunities to really study abroad [12:12] before having to go work into my nine-to-five, and I was super excited. I mean, I had seen the videos and movies, media about how people move abroad and have this amazing time. And I did. If you guys have listened to my other videos, you know how much I loved my time in Moldova. [12:30] I learned so much about myself and just loved visiting the country and meeting all my friends that I made over there. But what's not always talked about and what I did experience was that whole loneliness and isolation of being by yourself, and one of the times that I really [12:48] experienced this was during the holiday season over in Moldova, because the holiday season is very big over there. You have the Christmas that we tend to celebrate in Western culture, but then also their Russian Orthodox Christmas. And then as we celebrate New Year's over in Western culture with a lot of parties and different outings, [13:10] that wasn't how it was back over in Moldova. So what I came to learn is that a lot of these celebrations that we would tend to share with strangers or going out in public and having dinner parties at restaurants were actually the complete opposite and more of an intimate gathering moment between close family members at people's houses. [13:33] And as a foreigner that wasn't something that I was invited to participate in until my second year. So that had me spending the major holidays not necessarily as I normally would back home, creating a little bit more of a time for me to be by myself and really feel [13:49] the loneliness of being in a destination without my family and friends. So that was a difficult moment to navigate through, but I did it. But it's also something that is not shared with me and that people didn't talk to me about prior to leaving for my Fulbright to Moldova. Continuing this in terms of living abroad, [14:15] I was in my own apartment by myself facing the language barrier. The lifestyle changes, and you spend a lot of time by yourself, and depending on your personality maybe that's like an easy transition for you, but someone as myself that's a really big extrovert, going from in my daily routine talking to people [14:34] every day, being out and going to different activities, to going into Moldova and having to spend more time by myself adjusting to the culture and my routine as a teacher over there was very different. And I loved it because I got to learn more about myself and what I like, what I don't like, [14:53] how I spend time on my own versus when I spend time with other people and with family and friends, and it's something that transferred into my life when I returned from Moldova, but in the moment it took a little bit of adjustment to be comfortable just sitting with myself and [15:11] just learning who I am as a person. And I think that's another big thing about travel and study abroad, is that kind of having to be comfortable with just being by yourself, listening to your own thoughts and figuring out who you are, which can get [15:25] very uncomfortable for some people, but that's okay. It's part of the whole side of moving abroad, digital nomadism, study abroad that we don't see on social media. And therefore as content creators, we need to do a better job of opening the conversation for topics like this.

[15:59] To go back to the point about escapism and the romanticizing of study abroad, digital nomadism, travel can't heal what you refuse to face, especially if you're trying to move abroad to escape a situation back home or responsibilities. Geography doesn't automatically create the emotional growth. Changing your environment can absolutely change your perspective. [16:27] But location alone does not create healing. As I was sharing with my own story, moving locations can feel exciting in the beginning, but you're not going to escape the emotional baggage, unresolved burnout, the loneliness, identity projection, running away versus actually looking for new experiences, and it might actually [16:50] amplify all of that to a new degree once you start to settle into the new location, because at the end of the day that stuff is still all with you and you are going to carry that stress knowing you're going to have to eventually maybe go back and [17:03] address it, or you're just going to live in this fantasy that that's not real, and then therefore you're not really growing or transforming, are you? Humans adapt quickly and normalize new environments, so eventually after you move abroad you're going to get into your new routine and those previous unresolved [17:33] circumstances are going to sneak back into your thoughts, especially when you're sitting there by yourself just in your own thoughts and reflections. So sure, you can try to do the whole 9 to 5 quit to move abroad or just try to or just try to completely change and have your Eat, Pray, Love moment, but you may be [18:11] just traveling to avoid those difficult emotions, and you're gonna be left contemplating about what happens when the dream life abroad becomes the normal life. This is all to say that travel just amplifies who you already are. A plane ticket can change your surroundings, but it cannot do your inner work for you. That's on you.

[18:39] But we're going to stay positive and say that travel can create transformation when it is approached intentionally. As I mentioned in my own personal story, I had this whole romanticized idea when it came to moving to Moldova and living abroad. And my major personal growth came from those experiences. And that all happened through travel. [19:19] I was able to learn about who I am as a person, where I want to go in my career. I was exposed to different languages, schools of thoughts, perspectives that opened my eyes to approaching situations or topics in a way that I previously wasn't taught or thought about. I learned how to be independent, have more empathy, [19:42] and how the power of curiosity and your ability to move through spaces really impacts your relationships and experiences throughout life. Which is huge, right? Like that's a lot to take in, and everyone has their own travel journey and how they grow and transform as a human being, and that's all to say that [20:09] yeah, maybe travel will give that for you, maybe it won't. It's all about how you approach it and the mindset that you take with it, but if you're viewing travel as a way just to escape or try to get this ideal lifestyle for yourself without making the work, [20:28] without putting the work in to do the growth, you're not going to be able to get to that. New environments can absolutely reshape your perspective, especially when you engage deeply with the environment that you're in, rather than just consuming it passively, which is what unfortunately a lot of digital nomads or content creators do. [20:56] They stay in the expat bubbles, which means they're not actually going into the culture of the area they're visiting. They just surround themselves with people with like-minded, familiar backgrounds that feel familiar to prevent the loneliness or the uncomfortableness that can come with moving abroad. So that's why I've said this many times, the [21:25] importance of curiosity and open mindfulness when it comes to travel is really where the transformation is going to occur. Travel transforms us most when we stop expecting it to rescue us or putting it into a bubble that's familiar with ourselves. That's going to be where you see the emotional turning point and your own transformation.

[21:55] So then how do you travel without turning your experience into escapism or just some romantization of what you want it to be, like how you've seen it on social media? The first step is to ask yourself what you're trying to leave. Before booking the ticket, ask, what am I hoping this trip fixes? [22:17] Or even better yet, why am I booking this trip in the first place? Acknowledging the tension Acknowledging the intention and setting the goals for your journey and destination is going to really set the stage for your entire trip. The next one is to stop expecting reinvention overnight. We are human. [22:41] It takes time for us to learn, to grow, to adapt. And growth abroad is just as slow, uncomfortable, and human as it is back at home. Be patient. Be open-minded. The next one is to focus on presence instead of fantasy. So avoid the hyper-romanticization of where you are, comparing it to Eat, Pray, Love, [23:07] or in the movies or media that you've been consuming, especially on social media. Don't say, well, okay, I moved to Bali and I'm seeing that this person's having this experience. Why am I not having that? That's their journey. You're on your own journey. Find your own path. Don't try to recreate what's already been made. [23:31] The next is to let travel reveal you, not replace you. The healthiest travel experiences often deepen identity instead of manufacturing a fake one. So let your travel experience guide you on your path. Don't try to fit into a cookie cutter that's not yours. Leave room for spontaneity. Say yes to the side quests if it's safe, of course. [24:08] And don't be afraid to try something new. Step out of that expat bubble. Promise you it's going to be worth it. The last one is to build a meaningful life at home, too. Travel feels healthy is when it expands your life, not when it becomes the only way you feel alive. [24:28] And this is something that a lot of people who return from study abroad or other abroad programs Kultura Kultura That can be very difficult to find and create. So you need to go out and channel those different avenues that are available or connections that you can make to help you find that support and goals that you [25:07] wanted to reach when you decided to move abroad. Once you have a strong foundation, you know Once you have that strong foundation built, then your travel becomes less as of a method to escape, but one to just give you new experiences to transform.

[25:41] I don't want this episode to be viewed at all by casting a negative light on those who do take the risk to quit their 9 to 5 or to move abroad and try something new. That's not it at all. I've done that. I learned so much, as I went into in this episode. [26:00] But I want you to do, I want you to reflect more, to not let social media just Not let social media define how your travel should be, and know that we all have our own different paths. So create your path. [26:19] Set your goals and plan the steps that you need to take them, the steps you need to reach them. And I want to leave you with some bigger thoughts to reflect on. If you remove social media, would you still want the same life abroad? Are you chasing a destination? [26:38] Or chasing relief? Maybe the reason we romanticize travel so much is because deep down many of us are exhausted. We want relief, freedom, reinvention, distance from the lives that we built at home. And travel can absolutely change us, but not because geography magically fixes pain. It changes us because it confronts us with discomfort, perspective, [27:08] with other ways of living, and most importantly, with ourselves. Maybe the goal was never to become a completely different person abroad with a completely different lifestyle. Maybe it's to return home understanding yourself more honestly. And maybe that's a much deeper kind of transformation. Thank you so much to everyone who watched this episode. [27:35] Please be sure to check out our other podcast episodes and videos on our channel and subscribe, comment, like. We love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much everyone. Bye.